Like in a hospital room

Every evening, as he sits and watches his TV quite loudly, the semi-deaf guy next door makes this really weird noise like, every 10 seconds.

Sometimes he coughs, but mostly he does this "HUHHH-UH" halfway between a cough and a painful exhalation.

It has increased in frequency in just the past two weeks. Used to be I'd hear this sound every minute or two. Now I hear it all evening and after his TV is off and he falls asleep.

The sad thing is, he quit smoking for a couple of months and these noises stopped. But he claimed he gained 26 months and was so disgusted that he started smoking again. (To his credit, he also went on a diet and bought himself an exercise machine, and lost much of the weight.) He said he was only smoking 5 cigs a day and planned to cut back until he was down to zero. But from the sounds of it, he must be back up to a pack or more daily. You don't breathe like that on 5 smokes a day.

The walls being what they are here, we might as well be separated by a hospital curtain.

I'm thinking he must have advanced emphysema. I know the older dude upstairs has got it, but he just wheezes quietly. I don't hear him much except when he does his "morning cough" (smokers will know what that is) and I sometimes get to hear that at 4:30 a.m. when he arises.

Between those two and Miss Heavyfoot at 5:00 a.m. each day, it's no wonder I never get a decent night's sleep without resorting to a pill!

What a bunch we are!

Christmas in July and other tidbits

At the rate I'm going, the Christmas presents I bought for family and friends will get delivered this summer. Maybe.

My son called me at 6:30 a.m. today. I didn't even hear the phone. Perhaps that's because I was awake from 2:00 - 3:30 this morning, wide awake, and doing translation. But wow, it's nice to get a message from my boy, who I miss daily. Almost every minute, in fact.

My sleep patterns are shot lately. So imagine my amazement when I saw an ad for a natural alternative medication for menopause on Facebook. (Yes, that is how Facebook works: when you sign up for a new application, they use your info and target ads to you.

So this med, it's called MenoControl24. You take a daytime pill and a nighttime pill. And it is supposed to control ALL THESE SYMPTOMS WHICH I HAPPEN TO HAVE:

- hot flashes
- fatigue
- nervousness
- night sweats
- migraines
- sleep disorders
- temporary depression

And the other symptom, I'm not even going to mention because it has no bearing at all, since I'm not currently married or in a relationship. Let's just say if I was a man, they'd call it penile dysfunction or something.

So I called my doctor and asked if I can safely take this homeopathic product. She said she doesn't see why not but I have to ask my pharmacist.

I had fun today at the store, in spite of all those customers who are going to Playa Del Something in Cuba. I am jealous.

Peace at last?

Last evening, while I was shoveling not only my walkway but that of the immediate neighbours, Miss LaLa (who has many nicknames) from upstairs came out and brushed the snow off her car.

I seized the occasion to tell her that she is very noisy early each morning, waking me up when she walks around her apartment in her boots.

She denied wearing boots (bullshit) but I must say, she was as silent as a mouse this morning.

Now if I could just get Emphysema Man to stop horking at all hours...

Polar bear playing with huskie

What would they think?

I'm pretty sure most of my friends who come here have never had a heart attack.

My first year anniversary is coming up soon, and I am acutely aware of it.

In fact, I've been very aware of my every heartbeat since Feb 6, 2007.

I don't worry overmuch about it most times, I know it's just a matter of time before I have another one, but the thing is...

Sometimes before I leave my apartment I look around. And I think:

"If I died today, what would the clean-up crew say?"

So there are days when I tidy up really good.

I imagine people walking into the messy bedroom, the pile of laundry on the floor. The dishes in the kitchen. The grungy bathroom sink. The piles of papers here and there, with scribbled notes.

I imagine they'd say, "Oh, my. She was a slob. Who is this Langelier person on her voice mail?" (That one would be a wrong number, imagine if they called her back.)

I mentioned this "if I died tonight" scenario many weeks ago to my sympathetic co-worker, Mrs. Gom, (not her real name, but close), and she was aghast. I guess some people don't think in the same fatalistic terms.

So there are days when, before I leave the house for work or even before going to bed, I scrub my toilet and bathroom sink.

In fact, I am about to do that right now.

Because my last heart attack was in Feb 2006 and most heart attacks happen during the night, I feel anxious these days and nights.

Time flies

I spent most of the past 3 days sleeping.

My capacity for sleep is amazing.

Other than that, I've been on the phone a lot. And I'm not much of a phone person.

Who has seen the wind?

She is a'howling today... blown away all our fog and trying to tip over our mature pines.

The weather in Quebec is always weird and interesting.

Minus 22C one day, then 11C and rainy the next.

Today, it's still warm enough to keep all the windows open.

Hey, you know what? Rom changed her phone number AND her email address. Think I made her paranoid by publishing her ridiculous letter and full name?

Think I'll ever see my teddy bears? No, I don't suppose so.

Well, back to work.

Are you reading this, Annette?

Block me in email, don't answer your phone, whatever.

Throw all my 18 boxes away if you want... all I want back is the big bag of Alex's teddy bears.

Actually, call Centraide, give them everything except the plush toys. They will usually send a truck to pick things up.

If you have a sentimental bone left in your body, you would leave me Alex's things. Also, one of those bears is the very first one I remember getting for Christmas as a child.

Oh, man

Since last week I have been trying to help a friend with a gambling addiction.

I have taken his cash and his bank cards. I have held his money hostage in my front pocket.

This is very trying. I don't need this... oh, god. It is so wearing...

But tonight he made a phone call, the usual "first step" which I've found myself making over and over as the years go by. So I'm not calling the kettle black, ya know? It's just tiring to think about another person in this way, to be a "mom" all over again.

Wish me luck.

I bloody well need it, to take care of myself AND a friend.

Ten things you would say if you could

I did this meme a few years ago, but there are new people in my life and old people I've dumped, so maybe it's worth reviewing. I will try to make it at least half positive.

List up to ten things you would love to say to someone or to several people but don’t dare or likely won’t for various reasons. Do not state who these people are and do not confirm or deny any comment speculation.

1. Not everything you say is amusing, even though you chuckle at your every utterance.
2. You need to make some life-changing resolutions, not just New Years' resolutions.
3. Stop complaining about the fucking weather.
4. You are some pretty good people.
5. We've had our ups and downs, but you are my lifeline.
6. You should post more often, because you are amazing.
7. Stop with the road rage, already.
8. You think money solves everything, but it hasn't solved your issues.
9. Stop lolling at yourself on your blog. If it's funny, we'll laugh on our own.
10. You are a relatively kind soul, even though you gossip too much.